I got married when I was only 18 years old and fresh out of high school. Back then unlike the new grace culture of today’s church, we Pentecostals believed the bible literally and without question, so if it said that it was “better to marry than to burn”, then that’s what we did. Little did I know that 12 years later that marriage would end in divorce. My children were only 3 and 9 years old at the time, and although I felt so very unprepared to raise them alone, they became my reason for everything I did. I sacrificed time, money, convenience, relationships; whatever it took to ensure that they would have balanced, happy lives that I’d hoped wouldn’t differ much from the seemingly well balanced 2 parent households that their counterparts enjoyed.

I remember so desperately wanting to get into school myself so that I could earn a degree and make more money for our family, but I wasn’t willing to do it at the expense of them coming home to an empty household. After all, I didn’t want the one parent that they did still have at home out pursuing what she wanted at the risk of them not having what THEY needed.  And what was it they needed? Well, they needed to know that I was present, that I’d be at their concerts, football games and ROTC competitions. That I’d be there to cook dinner for them and sit down around our dining room table to eat it with them while talking about their day. I didn’t want my Gems being raised by the television or their peers because I wasn’t there to answer their questions as teenagers. Granted, I’m not knocking any single parent who chooses to do things differently, but this is Katrina’s take on sacrifice, so just ride with me. I’m going somewhere! God had entrusted them to my care, and I took that oh so seriously although my life wasn’t looking like what I’d so carefully planned.

That being said, even when online education became “a thing”, it still meant that I couldn’t engage with my children 100% if my head was stuck in books, or on the computer when they were home in the evenings. I realized that I would only have them with me for a little while and I didn’t want the fact that my ex-husband and I hadn’t made it to affect their chance at making it as whole, well-rounded, well-spoken and productive citizens of their community.   I knew that they would grow up one day, and that would be my time for doing what I wanted to do for myself.

Now you may ask, what did all that look like Katrina? Well, I’m glad you asked. It looked like them not always wearing the latest brand of popular sneaker or carrying the most dope cell phone. It looked like me not always being able to buy them all the latest video games or take them to the movies. It looked like us making pizzas together on our Friday Family Nights because I couldn’t afford to take them out for pizza. It looked like us sitting around watching movies that no one had ever heard of, because I didn’t have the money to rent tapes from Blockbuster, but I could rent them at the base library for free. It looked like us dancing in our living room being silly together. And it looked like them being excited about family nights with me instead of hanging out with their friends on Friday nights even as they got older. It looked like us having thought provoking conversations about love, sex, drugs, music  and life in general on a regular basis, because instead of having all the bells and whistles that might have pulled us away from each other, if we had more money, we cherished the fact that we had each other. And it was in those times of my personal sacrifice that we grew to like each other and not just love each other. Now today as adults, they are some of my most favorite people on the planet. And guess what? We still have those same thought-provoking conversations and movie nights (but now Chef Curt cooks for us instead 😊) And you know what else? In the same ways that I was there for my children when they were younger, they are now there for me in their adulthood. Whether it’s finances, prayers over my life, encouragement from God’s Word or just one of their hugs at a time when it’s not convenient for them, they’re present for me and for our family. Now for that I have to tell you, I am eternally grateful.

So, I’m not sure what sacrifices you need to make for your family. I didn’t even know this article would go in the direction that it has gone when I sat down to my computer. However, I do know that God is intentional, and I prayed before I sat down (wink). Now as I re-read this to check for grammar and spelling, I also pray that this testimony will resonate with you and cause you to re-examine what some of your own sacrifices for your family should be. I encourage you to not frame your life with the standards that the world’s system tells us is success but seek God’s will for you and your children’s lives. Yield to His picture for your lives and not your own. I promise you His picture comes out way better than the one you proposed to paint for yourself.

For God is not unjust so as to forget your work and the love which you have shown for His name in ministering to [the needs of] the saints (God’s people), as you do. (Hebrews 6:10 Amp)

Prayer: Lord Jesus thank you for your pieces of clay that you have given to us in the form of our children and families. Thank you that you specifically designed us for each other, and we ask that you place us in the center of your will for our lives. Only you know what our finished product should look like and we entrust that to your hands, asking you to show us what needs to be sacrificed in order to have 100% of you be represented in everything that we do. We ask these things in your powerful and matchless name. Amen!